Who I Am
by Elipse
Summary: Relena Peacecraft has everything but the one she wants. 1xR


WHO I AM  
  
Elipse  
  
Disclaimer: I own nothing, obviously. If I did, Trowa would be my man slave. I do not own the song "Iris" by the Goo Goo Dolls. They kick ass, though.  
  
Pairing(s): 1xR  
  
A/N: ^twitches^ My first gundam type thing and it's 1xR. I personally dislike it, but I also dislike the pairing. This probably takes place sometime after Endless Waltz and it's in Relena's POV. I really hope you like it.  
  
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//And I'd give up forever to touch you  
  
'Cause I know that you feel me somehow//  
  
Heero.  
  
You've always thrilled me some how. My entire life, before I met you, was political meetings, fancy dinners, and praise I knew I didn't deserve. You were just so different, someone new and exciting for me to fawn after.  
  
Inevitably, I fell in love with you. And somewhere, Heero, deep down, I know that you love me too.  
  
//You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be  
  
And I don't want to go home right now//  
  
I remember thinking you were a prince. Even now as I'm Princess of Sanc, Queen of the World, I still do. You're like an angel who has fallen at my feet. Heero, you intrigue me, you enthrall me, and you make me think things I never have or never would before.  
  
Is it so wrong to say that you're my whole world? That I can't go a day without thinking about you? I don't know where you are, what you're doing; I know you're beside me right now.  
  
//And all I can taste is this moment  
  
And all I can breathe is your life//  
  
Each minute, each second I'm more in love with you. You're just, like, now one I've ever known before. I admit that I have done some pretty crazy things, all in the name of love. Or maybe, back then it was just a prepubescent crush.  
  
Crazy, isn't it? Me, Relena Peacecraft, representative of the Sanc Kingdom, and you, a terrorist, a rebel, one of the Gundam pilots, who look for freedom in their own way.  
  
//'Cause sooner or later it's over  
  
I just don't want to miss you tonight//  
  
The war is over, now. The United Earth Sphere Alliance is under way. The colonies have their peace. The Gundam pilots are heroes, so are you Heero. But, you're gone. What has compelled you to disappear without a trace, severing all ties from the people you know?  
  
I should be strong. After all that I went, granted, a lot less than you, I really should be. How can I when I feel so alone? How can I if whenever I close my eyes, all I can see is your face.  
  
The pathetic part is, I barely know you. I claim, I wish, to know the "real" you, the Heero Yuy behind the mask of an emotionless robot you conjure up for yourself. It's the fact that I am so hopelessly in love with you knowing I may never see you again. It's this longing I feel, whenever I stare into outer space.  
  
//And I don't want the world to see me  
  
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand//  
  
You remember the academy where I first met you? You, know, the one where you destroyed my birthday party invitation and threatened to kill me? Of course you do. Hopefully, I can assume you remember the students there, the ones that clapped whenever I did anything, and addressed me as "Relena- sama."  
  
They didn't know me, Heero, nothing about me, not like the way you do. Naturally, I've changed since then, but still. All my life, I've had people expecting so much of me that I never had time to be myself. You expect me to be strong, but I'm human, just like you. Maybe that's the one thing that holds us together.  
  
//When everything's made to be broken  
  
I just want you to know who I am//  
  
Together. You know, that's a funny word for the two of us. It's almost as though you're trying to distance yourself from people. Break off all ties. Have you keep any close friends? Have you ever watched the sunset and rise again? Have you ever smiled?  
  
And I wonder, have you ever been in love?  
  
I love you, Heero. I always will. But what about you? I give you friendship, and you turn me down. I try to give you compassion and you push me away like I'm not even there. Do I even exist?  
  
I'll tell you who I am. I'm the girl who'll love you forever.  
  
//And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming  
  
Or the moment of truth in your lies//  
  
==Flashback==  
  
The dark-haired boy merely grunted as the shock of the explosion threw him in a concrete wall. Putting his hand over his eyes to shield him from the light, he peered around the dark street, looking for any soldiers. There were none. Mission Complete.  
  
Struggling to get up, he soon realized he had miscalculated slightly. His wrist was broken. Glaring at the crimson liquid seeping out from near the break, he saw the white of the bone that shone through.  
  
After maneuvering himself in a sitting position, Heero managed to rip off a piece of his tanktop with his teeth and wound it around the wound. With his other hand, he tried to smudge away the dried blood.  
  
Jerking his head up, he heard the familiar sound of a car, and dropped on his belly. Glancing around once more, he began crawling across the road, to the darker side, commando-style. Even with his wrist slowing him down, he got halfway across before a car turned into the street.  
  
Heero grunted again, and watched as the speeding car flew towards him.  
  
Suddenly, the car screeched to a halt, swerving, while a female voice yelled for the driver to stop. The boy didn't blink an eye as the automobile stopped two feet from his legs.  
  
"Hn." He scuttled back a few feet, favoring his wounded arm.  
  
The girl got out of the …pink car and rushed over to him.  
  
"I'm so sorry," she said, still not able to make out the boy. "Did we hit you? Are you-"  
  
Heero got up to his feet and glared at the girl. "You shouldn't be here, Relena. It's not safe. Go home."  
  
"Heero?" she started, startled. "I- what happened to your hand? Do you need me to take you to the hospital?"  
  
"Hn. I'm fine."  
  
//When everything feels like the movies  
  
Yeah you bleed just to know you're alive//  
  
"You're lying to me. You're hurt Heero, for God's sake, you're bleeding! I'll fix you up, please…"  
  
He stared at her impassively. "Relena, I'm a soldier. I get hurt. I don't need you showing up offering your help, because I won't take it."  
  
The blonde winced at his blunt remark. "But, what if it gets infected?"  
  
"It won't."  
  
"It's dangerous here! I really don't want to see you get seriously injured Heero."  
  
"That's what war is. I'm a soldier. I'm expendable. If I die, I can easily be replaced." His voice had not strayed from its usual monotone.  
  
Heero rubbed the red of his cheek as Relena lowered her arm, a stern expression taking over her otherwise gentle face. "I don't ever want to here you talking like that again, Heero!"  
  
"I could kill you."  
  
She smiled smugly. "But you won't. You know why? Because I care about you, Heero Yuy, and you know it. And maybe, just maybe, you might care about me too."  
  
He frowned. "Relena, I…"  
  
"Heero, I love you." His eyes widened as he looked at the girl, even more as the Queen of the World kissed him.  
  
She broke apart, looking him in the face. "If you're not coming with me, please do something about that wrist of yours."  
  
He looked at her.  
  
"Please?" she asked, smiling.  
  
"Aa," he said. "But, Relena, get out of here. I…" he faltered, glancing at the ground, before making eye contract with her. "…don't want you to get hurt."  
  
She nodded and ran back to the pink car, leaving Heero with a lot more worries than a broken wrist.  
  
==End Flashback==  
  
//And I don't want the world to see me  
  
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand  
  
When everything's made to be broken  
  
I just want you to know who I am//  
  
I haven't seen you in the longest time. But then again, why would I? What do I mean you, Heero? Do I mean anything at all? What did I mean to you, I wonder? Was I just the girl that you couldn't stand? Maybe that was it. Maybe I shouldn't have followed you everywhere, and maybe you would be in love with me. Maybe… My coffee's getting cold. And the papers on my desk are still left unmarked. But how can I do anything when I'm thinking of you? How can I? I hope you're doing something more interesting than cooped up behind a desk. Maybe you're infiltrating a school system, maybe relaxing, you could be out drinking with that braided friend of yours that shot you or taking away people's life or creating weapons of mass destruction or getting yourself killed or… Loving me. Maybe somehow, someway you could love me. Love me for who I am. Is that possible? Is it, Heero? Are we really that different? I want to know. Do I even have a chance? It's like being in love with the rain.  
  
//And I don't want the world to see me  
  
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand  
  
When everything's made to be broken  
  
I just want you to know who I am//  
  
And a tear falls down my cheek. Do you have any idea how much I love you? You mean everything to me. You are everything, Heero. I'm nothing without you. Do you know what that's like? I'm supposed to be strong, like you! I'm supposed to be strong… The tears are falling now and I don't think I can stop them. Do you have any idea what you've caused me? This unrequited love is not something I'm used to. But why would you love me? What have I ever done for you? You and your friends are the real heroes, I am but a sideshow. And these tears won't cease. The door to my office opens – quickly I hide my tear-stained face. They can't see me like this. I am a politician. If the world is truly a stage, I would like to think that I am doing my part as a player well. I don't lift my head under the false assumption that they will say something to me. They don't. Yet there is someone in my office now. Slowly, I lift my head away from the person. The dampness is drying but I can only imagine what my face must look like. I stand, still turned away. "Hello?"  
  
//And I don't want the world to see me  
  
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand  
  
When everything's made to be broken  
  
I just want you to know who I am//  
  
Whoever is there doesn't make a sound. I rub a neatly manicured hand against my eyes. "Hello?" I try again, my voice faltering. "Relena…" My heart leaps into my throat as I turn towards him. "He – Heero?" He smiles slightly and it's the most attractive thing I've seen in a long time. He's leaning in the threshold watching me. I can't move, I just stare at him as our eyes meet. "Relena," he repeats, and it may just be my imagination but looks like his face softens. And the next thing I know his arms are around me and he's kissing me like I've never been kissed before. He's clumsy; it's a bit awkward but passionate. I can barely breathe, I'm so overcome with emotion. It's as though he's pouring out his heart and soul, what little he has left, to me. I can't prevent the tears now as they fall. I've fallen in love with him all over again.  
  
//I just want you to know who I am//  
  
But, like all good things, it's over too soon. He turns to leave, and for one fleeting moment he looks at me and there were only four words that needed to be said. "Relena. I love you"  
  
//I just want you to know who I am I just want you to know who I am//  
  
END  
  
A/N: ^shudders^ the ending scares me. If you liked this for any strange reason, please review and I will love you forever. 


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